


no light, no light in your bright blue eyes

by maythecat12 (orphan_account)



Series: Cap-Ironman Bingo 2020 [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Canon Divergence - Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Love Confessions, M/M, Not A Fix-It, Sacrifice, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-29
Updated: 2020-03-29
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:47:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23368675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/maythecat12
Summary: Something else knocks into her and she flies forward, tumbling out of the air, Gauntlet clattering out of her reach, and Tony is so close, just a couple more steps, and-Someone else reaches it first.
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Series: Cap-Ironman Bingo 2020 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1680772
Kudos: 41
Collections: Captain America/Iron Man Bingo





	no light, no light in your bright blue eyes

**Author's Note:**

> Title from the song "No Light, No Light" by Florence + the Machine.
> 
> For the purposes of this fic, Pepper and Tony broke things off around Civil War and Morgan does not exist.
> 
> Cap-IM Bingo Square Y1 (Image of Cap with the Infinity Gauntlet - or at least that's what my brain thinks)

Ash. Ash fills his nostrils, covers his face, is streaked all over his suit. And as he gasps for breath, he sees Strange’s trembling finger. 

_How many did you see?_

_Fourteen million, six hundred and five._

_How many did we win?_

_One._

And he knows what he has to do. The Gauntlet’s been tossed around, passing from hand to hand of various Avengers like an intense game of keep-away. But now Thanos has it.

And Tony rushes forward, past Thor and Cap, but Carol gets there first and grapples for control, beams of power and energy blazing, and Tony watches as she gets tossed around like a ragdoll and-

Thanos holds up his arm, preparing to snap, but exposes a bare hand. The Gauntlet. It’s gone.

And then a beam shoots past Thanos, knocking him onto his side, and it circles, Captain Marvel hovering just enough to be taller than Thanos, eyes aglow with rage.

Something else knocks into her and she flies forward, tumbling out of the air, Gauntlet clattering out of her reach, and Tony is so close, just a couple more steps, and-

Someone else reaches it first. 

Steve, teeth clenched and face resigned, shoves his arm into it. Rainbow light pours from the Gauntlet and encircles his arm. Tony sees his other fist tighten, the muscles tense, and the sweat rolling down the side of his face, and Steve cries out, anguished, and snaps. 

There’s no bright burst of light, no flash, nothing to signify that Steve has done anything. Only the rest of Thanos’s army slowly fading to dust and dispersing in the wind. 

And Steve collapses, his knees give out, and he tumbles to the ground. He drags himself forward slightly, chest heaving as he crawls forward and shifts into a sitting position. 

“Steve, no,” Tony cries out, too little and too late. He’s lost so much - he can’t lose Steve too. Even in the worst scenarios, he hadn’t envisioned this. Mind and body numb, he rushes forward; he has to get to Steve now.

“Tony,” Steve flashes a smile at him, “I’m sorry.” His eyes are slightly unfocused, blood and grime covering his face, broken shield draped across his arm.

“No, no,” Tony reaches over, grasping Steve’s hand and pulling it close to his heart, “there’s nothing to be sorry for.”

“I’m sorry about Siberia,” Steve continues, “and for not being there when you needed me the most, and-”

“Steve, shhh,” Tony cries softly, tears sliding down his cheeks, “it’s okay. We’re okay.”

“Tony,” Steve begins, raising a trembling arm and wiping away the tears on Tony’s cheek, “I-I love you.” 

He tugs Tony down slightly, and Tony pulls him upward, cupping the back of his neck and bringing him in for a kiss.

They’re crying, both of them, tears mixing and falling as they kiss, lips pressing, seeking and coaxing, years of pent up emotions bleeding through. Tony can tell when the life has gone out of Steve and he’s left holding a limp body. 

Slowly, as if not to wake him, he sets Steve down and presses a gentle kiss to Steve’s cheek.

“I love you too.”

\---

He can’t do this. Not again. Not when he knows Steve isn’t coming back. 

So he buries himself in Steve’s repaired room, telling himself that when he goes to bed, he’ll wake up and realize it was all a terrible dream. 

It never changes.

More often than not, he wakes up suddenly in the middle of the night, panicking or crying as reality sets in and that Steve’s gone. Forever.

So he doesn’t sleep. He’s back to the way he was before he joined the Avengers, drinking too much coffee and locking himself away. Except this time, there’s no special thing to save him, no way to invent something that will get Steve back. 

He helps the Avengers repair the Compound though, he owes them that. The brief moments where he has something to do and focus on are paradise. No pain, no feelings. No baggage. And no guilt. 

It’s well past midnight when he finds the recording. He’s looking through Steve’s sketchbooks. This one is simple and plain, a black leather cover hiding pages and pages of drawings of the team. Nat, Bucky, and Sam are there a lot, along with Thor and Clint, but what surprises Tony is how many drawings there are of him. 

There’s one of his arc reactor, up close and so detailed that Tony can’t help but wonder how Steve managed to draw it. 

And on the last page, is a drawing of the Iron Man helmet and a projection. It’s dated the day before the Time Heist. At first glance, Tony thinks Steve found his recording, the one he left in case he didn’t make it back. But when he looks again, he realizes that it’s Steve, not Tony who is being projected.

_How fitting that the both of us didn’t expect to make it out._

He rushes to find the helmet, the familiar red and gold design comforting him slightly. His fingers shake slightly as he plays the recording back. 

_“Hey, Tony.” Steve smiles fondly, but there’s something in his eyes that Tony can’t quite place. Sadness? Regret?_

_“If I- if I don’t make it out tomorrow, I want you to know that I’m sorry about… well, sorry about a lot of things, really,” he laughs lightly, “sorry about Siberia, for one, and sorry about the Accords, and for breaking your trust and not telling you about your parents, and also for sending you a pretty bad apology letter.”_

Tony whispers, “Damn right, it was a bad one,” but his voice hitches and he’s crying, tears dripping down his cheeks. 

_“And I guess, to follow that one up, I’m sorry about not being there when you needed me.” Steve sighs and runs a hand through his hair. “I never told you… I just wanted you to know-” his voice breaks, “know that- that I love you. I have for so long.”_

_“I don’t know if you feel the same way, and I guess it can’t really hurt any more if you don’t, but I can’t stand the thought of not telling you, especially if I don't make it out.”_

_“You gave me a home, Tony. An anchor, a life in the future. And I cannot thank you enough.”_

_“If this is the last chance I get at a goodbye, I want to use it. So, goodbye, Tony, and I love you and always will.”_

“I love you too, Steve,” Tony sobs, “Gosh, you idiot. You-you didn’t think I loved you? And I thought I made it obvious. I love you so much. I have since the beginning. I love you forever and always.” 

\---

Steve’s funeral is gorgeous. 

The sun shines brightly on the crystal-blue water, soft ripples decorating the surface. 

They stand in an odd formation, clumps of people gathered close to his grave. A lot of people are here, not just the Avengers. It feels right. To know Steve touched so many people’s lives, to know that his name lives on even in death. 

It’s silent. 

A tear trickles down Tony’s cheek, then another, and before he can stop, he’s crying again. _Steve…_

The broken shield is gently set down, the edges jagged where Thanos destroyed it. The paint shines despite what it’s been through and the metal glints in the light. 

It looks so final, the way it is, the broken shield and the broken soldier, resting peacefully at last. 

_It’s a start,_ Tony thinks. _A new beginning._

\---

He’s alone this time, staring out at the calm waters of the lake. He sits on the grass, next to the grave, next to Steve. 

The light is slowly fading, the sun dipping below the horizon, sky tinged pink and orange. 

_It’s the end. The end of the path I started us on._

The wind breezes in gently, rustling Tony's hair. The cool air envelops him. It’s nice. Surrounded by nature, by the one he loves the most.

It’s another goodbye, or at least, it feels like it, sort of. But then again, you never say goodbye to someone unless you want to see them again.

_“I love you. Forever and always.”_

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> The quote about goodbyes is from Turtles All the Way Down by John Green.


End file.
